Hand Of Blood
by Just Gabz
Summary: One Shot - After Adam affects Ianto's memories, Ianto has to deal with the fact that he's a 'murderer'. Inspired by the song 'Hand Of Blood' By Bullet For My Valentine


**Title: **_**Hand Of Blood**_

**Pairings/Characters: **_**Jack/Ianto, Captain Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Mentions of Adam**_

**Warnings: **_**Angst, slight fluff at the end.**_

**Summary: _One Shot, After Adam affects Ianto's memories he has to deal with the fact that he's a 'murderer'. (Ianto's POV) Inspired by 'Hand Of Blood' By Bullet For My Valentine._**

**Author Notes: **_**I listened to the song 'Hand Of Blood' The other day and went OH MY GOD!! Perfect Adam Songfic! So this is me attempting it. Wish me luck and as always, please review.**_

**Disclaimer: **_**I don't own Torchwood, Ianto, Jack or Bullet For My Valentine, which sucks 'cause it'd be awesome to own any of them.**_

The feel of the rain pounding down as I stalked her. _Remember it. _The sound of their soft voices as they begged me to stop. _Remember it. _The adrenaline rush as she ran, not fast enough. _Remember it. _The terror when I realized what I had done. _Remember it. _Going to Adam, when I knew he would be the one who could help. _Remember it. _Watching as Adam calmly helped me hide the bodies. _Remember it. _The feel of Adam's hand on my face as he murmured the words. _Remember it, remember it, remember it._

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What have I done? I killed them, I really did kill them. I couldn't help myself. I can't believe I did it three times. Worse still, I got Adam into this mess. I don't want to be a monster. Jack won't lock me up, I'm a threat!

"Ianto, listen to me. You. Did. Not. Kill. Anyone." Jack's voice broke me from my thoughts and I snapped my eyes back up to him as we sat in his office.

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do, this isn't you. Why would you _kill_ anyone?"

"I can't help what I hear in my head as I see the possibilities. It's like a switch gets flicked on and it feels so good."

Jack stared at me and I could see the pain in his eyes. I looked away, feeling guilty as I saw it.

"I don't know what's happened to make you think you killed anyone, but I am telling you, you didn't kill them."

"Yes I did."

"No, Ianto, you are not a murderer."

"Yes I am!" I yelled and clenched my fists.

I needed to calm down, to relax but Jack was making me so angry. He should've been scared. He doesn't believe me, why won't he believe me!? Is he blind? Is he scared?

"You didn't do anything."

"I remember it, all of it. I remember their faces, the sound of their screams, the smell and feel of their blood on my hands."

"Ianto, look at me." Jack murmured, reaching out to touch my shoulder.

I impulsively looked up to him, trying to get the anger to subside.

"Breathe Yan, calm down. We can figure this out."

"Why won't you believe me?" I murmured.

I couldn't hold back the tears anymore and put my head in my hands. I felt Jack's hands come around me, cradle me close to him. Why was he being so nice? I just told him that I murdered three people and he's comforting _me_? He feels so warm though, so right. Maybe I can be selfish. Maybe I can get away with staying close to him. It's not like I can kill him, not for long anyway. I leaned into him, wanting to feel closer, to melt into him.

"Don't worry Ianto, we'll figure this out." Jack rubbed soothing circles on my back.

"Lock me in the cells Jack. It's the only way to make sure that everyone is safe."

I pulled away and looked down at my hands. I saw the blood, it's like it's stained into my skin. I think I'm losing it.

"Oh god." I murmured and dropped my hands from view.

"Ianto, look at me." Jack held my hands and I looked into his soft eyes, "When was the last time you thought about…killing anyone?"

"I, I don't know. That's not the point. I am a killer Jack. Three people, dead for no justified reason. They lost a lifetime of possible memories, their families lost them."

"Ianto, you can't remember the last time you felt like that. You do realize that if you've killed more than once, you keep killing. I don't know of any killers who have stopped."

"You don't know any killers personally, besides, just because it's been a while, doesn't mean I won't kill again." Jack looked away from me and I sighed, "Why won't you leave? Get out of here before I kill anyone else."

"No! Don't you dare tell me to leave." Jack grabbed my arm and pulled me into another hug, "I am never leaving you, especially not like this. Come with me."

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Jack stood at Toshiko's computer and I sat on the steps, looking at the floor. I don't know what he was expecting to find. Why was he being so goddamn stubborn? I did kill them and I just wish he'd believe it. I wanted to scream at him but somehow I knew that wouldn't help and he wouldn't believe me anyway.

"What can I say to make you believe me?" I mumbled.

"Nothing, now shut up for a sec."

I pouted but stayed quiet. I couldn't look at my hands and when I looked at my reflection, I hated what I saw. This was all wrong, I don't deserve to be walking around living when three girls are dead because of me.

"Come here, Ianto look." Jack grabbed my hand and pulled me to the computer.

I watched as Adam held my face in his hands and told me of the things I'd done. Jack went through other CCTV footage and watched as he touched other people and told them their memories as well.

"But it…I don't understand."

"He planted these memories into us. He isn't even part of this team. Ianto, you didn't kill anyone." Jack pulled me into a hug and for the first time that night, I smiled a genuine smile.

"Thank you Jack, for believing in me."

"We need to stop Adam." Jack sighed, pulling away for a moment to look in my eyes.

"No one else will believe us though. They all think they know him." I pointed out.

"Then it looks like it's just you and me." Jack smiled one of his patented Jack Harkness smiles and for a moment I felt like the world had stopped spinning.

I pulled him closer and hugged him again, trying to lose myself in his warmth. I knew it was greedy to want to be so close to him but I was happy to be selfish if this was the result. I wanted to tell Jack how much he meant, to explain to him how good it felt that I wasn't the monster I had been made to think I was.

I said the only words that I could form, "It felt so real."

**My first attempt at 'Adam'. Tell me what you think please?**

**Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx**


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